You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
