So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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