Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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