Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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