He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want a musical about memes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
