Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
