after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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