party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We need a shit load of segways right now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
