Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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