this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
