my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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