I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
