I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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