Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
