Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Pooping to opera.
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