When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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