My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
