why didn't you poke me back
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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