Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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