I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
