I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
