but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
