then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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