So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
