eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
