Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have fence marks all over my body
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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