Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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