New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
