glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can tuck mytits in my pants
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
