So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
