I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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