wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
