It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
