My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
