How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
