so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
