omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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