i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
PANTIES FOUND
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