so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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