Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
