Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
