i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
