just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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