Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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