Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
