Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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