My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
