I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
