did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
