meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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