somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
