how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
