I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i believe in u and ur pee
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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