If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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