Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
