I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
