She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
