24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
