I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
