I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's get the cat blown out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
