Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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