As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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