I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
