She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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