I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
