I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my poor anus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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