Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize