11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
