WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
