Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
