Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
