Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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