I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
