cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
