The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
