We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
