I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
