The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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