your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
