Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Randomize
