my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
