he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
