I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
