How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
