just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
