We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
